So Tired of Shit
November 28, 2014
We’ve all been there you just flat reach the shit-saturation point. It might be me and my menopause—sung to the tune of me and my shadow—but I think it’s actually that recently I’ve had to deal with more than my fair share of ass hats.
I’ve entered this zone where everyone is super aware of their own feelings which they reside on their sleeve so that everyone can feel their pain. I, however, apparently have no feelings and am supposed to just take my manic depressive, menopause-infused brain, sit down and eat a great big bowl of shit as they all do everything in their power to give me a complete mental break down. I don’t need any more shit because I have enough. In fact, if shit was designer plates I’d have to add a room onto my house to hold it all.
In short I have plenty, and I don’t need anyone else’s.
I’m sick to death of people showing their ass and expecting to get a pass, while if I so much as snap back I get branded “that crazy fucking dyke.” Which, granted, is a pretty good description, but who do you think made me this way? All the human turds I constantly have to deal with.
I know I’m not alone.
The holidays are coming. People are making lists and checking them twice. It’s the highest-stress part of the year. Then you are stuffed into tiny rooms with people you want to strangle and who want to strangle you. We need a release before the season, something to help us relax.
Let’s start a new tradition by telling off all those people who are just getting on our last nerve. No need to start a war in the family or with friends, just get on your site—I know no one reads this shit—and just rip everyone who’s even remotely bugging you a new one.
- To the little snot-nosed geologist who starts every panel telling everyone about her extensive education and then spends the rest of the panel contradicting everything I say in a tone that screams, “Old woman don’t you realize you’re irrelevant!” You are at a science fiction convention. Maybe two people give a damn about your stinking education. It must be nice to have a mommy and daddy who could afford to give you nice things, but I just don’t give a shit because you have NO manners. I may be and irrelevant dinosaur, but until you have worked as hard, gone through as much shit, and have as many professional sales as I do would it just kill you to be civil? I’m sorry that my being openly gay while you hide shivering in your little closet annoys you, but go get laid and get off my back.
- For the friend who showed their true loyalty. While you came to the rescue of your churchy, churchy friends over something I said, you might remember that the way they are treating me is exactly how they would treat you if you weren’t hiding what you are from them. They’d be just as curt to you and judge you the same. Your lovely super-Christian friends would all consider you to be a sinner going to hell and therefore not as good as they are. You might want to think about that the next time you align yourself with them. And, for the record, I’m also a person of faith, but since I’m not Christian I guess you don’t think that counts.
- To the passive-aggressive turd who made the twelve hours I waited in hell not only a nightmare but one shown in living color, here’s a clue. YOU AREN’T CLEVER. Everyone knows what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. You’re a hateful douche who hated his mother and so hates all other women. You think you’re a master manipulator, and I’ll give you that when I was young and stupid you got away with a lot of crap. I’m neither young nor stupid now, and I know everything you did. I will keep your twisted secrets for two reasons. First it’s way past the time for it to matter, and second I know you and it must just kill you to have gotten away with something so terrible and not be able to tell anyone about it. By the way I don’t think I ever deserved to be treated the way you treated me, and I sure as hell don’t appreciate it now. I get to walk away and leave your ass behind, and I feel sorry for those who can’t. That’s your legacy—people who will remember that you treated them like dirt and never once said you were sorry.
- To the guy with perfect pitch who insists on singing all the time but then has something negative to say about anyone who might join in. So you have perfect pitch, good for you. I’d rather listen to a wailing hound than your falsetto voice, but I’d never be rude enough to tell someone what, when, or how to sing. Seriously, there is nothing quite as boring or ho hum than someone who is “perfect,” and nothing as annoying as someone who thinks they are. When you do something really well, pointing out that other people don’t do it as well doesn’t accent how special you are it just makes you a douche.
- If even once more people ask me to help them build something—for free—and then I have to sit around as a bunch of misogynistic dumbasses who couldn’t build their way out of a box with power tools fumble and bumble around getting in each other’s way and then blame me, tear it all down, and rebuild it “their way,” my head is going to explode. Don’t waste my fucking time!
- To the ass hat right wing republican who insists on getting on the Facebook pages of people who don’t agree with his stupid ass politics and then starts calling people dumbasses because they don’t believe all the FOX News stuff he does—shut the fuck up! You know why we don’t believe the crap you believe? Because we aren’t drug around by the nose by either some preacher or the whole “Daddy voted this way so it’s the way I vote,” thing. You guys won this last election, so now it’s put up or shut up time. Oh but wait the last time you guys had this much power your president completely destroyed this country and we’re still trying to dig out of the hole. Take your stupid shit to your own page and stop clogging up other people’s pages with your hateful crap. Ever since baby Bush got in office you guys have suffered from Republican turrets. Any time someone says something you don’t agree with you just start spitting out the party line. You have the right to believe anything you want, and so—believe it or not—do we. Take your opinions to your OWN page!
- For the woman behind the counter at the DMV who acted like I’d committed a criminal offence because I lost my drivers’ license. I’m sorry you have a job you hate. Did it ever occur to you that the reason you hate it so much is that your attitude is so crappy that by the end of the day you’ve added hundreds of people to the list of people who hate you? That’s a lot of negative energy to absorb. Maybe spend a day putting yourself in the shoes of the people who make sure you have a job.
- To the stupid ass who two years after the fact still won’t admit that it was wrong to bring a swastika-tattooed ex-convict to a family function and who still goes out of her way to try to cause me trouble even though I no longer talk to her. I realize you were carried around on a fucking pillow and treated like a princes your entire childhood, but you just aren’t that special; you never have been. You’re selfish and short sighted, and it must be hard to go through life with your head so firmly planted in your ass. Just being related by blood to someone doesn’t mean you have to put up with their crap. Admit I’m not going to come back, apologize to YOU for something I never did, and kiss YOUR ass. Then quit causing problems for everyone I do care about.
- The woman who thinks it’s acceptable or even good to talk to people like they’re morons, snap negative comments at them, and throw screaming conniption fits. Guess what? All those people you are screaming at are volunteers just like you. They give up their time and spend their money just like you do. The difference being they aren’t talking negative shit to you or screaming at you. In short, get a fucking life. If you think any production is worth screaming at people over then obviously there is something seriously lacking in your life. Here’s a big clue; when you take something that should be fun for people and make it into a hated chore, you will get a super shitty performance and you are not the hero in the story.
- And finally to the “friend” who was offended they weren’t invited to my wedding but when I said, “We didn’t invite anyone who wasn’t pro-gay marriage,” replied, “You know I love you guys but I have to stand by the word of G-d.” What! What! For the record, people, that isn’t love. Religion seems to be nothing as much as a tool used to judge other people and find them wanting. This time of year we get to see this up close and personal. Everyone’s trying so hard to be all happy and giving that they end up stressed. Then instead of love and good will flowing we get a woman screaming at the top of her lungs at a cast of fifteen people saying such things as one man having to work at church is a legitimate reason for not going to practice because he is serving G-d and that comes first. Everyone else’s excuses are lame including mine—that I’m going to temple. She professes to know the will of G-d which is in itself off putting.
And here’s what I think. I think we serve G-d and the season when we push ourselves less to be franticly happy, festive, and desperately productive, and instead we relax a little, do what we want and let go of some of the anger from the past year. We decide that things like the perfect gift, getting invited to the right parties, or being part of a perfect play aren’t life and death. Then we just enjoy what we have.
Take a deep breath and a few minutes to tell off everyone you’re pissed at on paper. This list of people who pissed me off I have dealt with to the best of my ability. Most of these people I will never have to deal with again. The ones I can’t avoid I will deal with as little as possible. There are only two people on this list I’m not completely done with and both are sitting with two strikes. The world is covered with seven billion people. This holiday season give yourself the gift of getting rid of all the ass hats you can. If you’re making a list like the one I’ve made, decide who do you still want to keep, who are you done with, and who can you just spend less time with.
What a great present.
If you enjoy these bitches, please contact Selina directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!