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What I'm Bitching About Today:
A Bunch of Bitches To be exact, there are three
in this month’s installment—which is technically “a few” rather than
“a bunch,” but that’s not alliterative.
J OK. Around about October of 2008 I was hit with a whole bucket load of BS that I knew would pass but that unnerved me nonetheless. So what did I do? First I very nearly despaired and then I prioritized. I decided that those things that affected 1) life/death, 2) relationship, and 3) income would come before anything else. Then the time for the “anything else” just didn’t seem to create itself, so many things fell far behind. ’Nough said. Selina has been writing bitches all along, though, so there is quite a back log.
I’m going
to post the oldest ones this month—with the date they were written when I know what
that was. Next month I’ll put up the newer ones and maybe even the most recent. We’ll see.
Used Books and Other Things That Ruin
Writers' Careers August 12, 2008 Here's the thing. If someone is a household name, then download all the free books and buy all the used books you want; it isn't going to hurt them one bit. But if you have no idea who a writer is or your friends don't know them, then buy their damn book new and put some money in their pocket. A couple of years ago I was at a convention and a guy in the audience—who was talking more than most of the panelists—gleefully announced that he would never buy a new book, and especially not one by an unknown author, at full price. He only bought used and half-priced books. With a smile on my face and acting like it was a joke I yelled, "You! You're the asshole who has helped to destroy the careers of several beloved midlist writers and killed before they could get started countless new writers’ careers!" The guy took offense and started to argue with me about the whole used books thing, at which point I just said, "Excuse me but we've wasted enough time on you. You don't put any money into our pockets, so let someone who does speak." So I figured I'd get booed, but as the guy got up and marched out of the panel room the audience cheered because... Well the guy was a nudge and had apparently been hijacking panels all weekend. When he was gone I explained my position before the crowd could turn on me. Look, if you're broke and the only way you can afford to read is to go to the library or buy used books then I get it, because I understand broke better than I want to. I even understand trying a new writer out with a used book first. But if all you ever do is buy used books I don't need to waste my time on you because frankly you're part of the problem. Look, all the big houses care about is numbers, sad but true. So if you never buy anything but used or "half price," books you are ruining your favorite authors because you're helping to destroy their numbers. I really don't get people. They will try a new restaurant which might cost them a small fortune, but few readers want to take a chance on a new writer. Then they'll all sit around and bitch about what is getting published. They say they want something different but when you give them something different they rarely put their money where their mouth is. I have decided that the problem is the giant misconception the general public has regarding how rich authors are. They don't feel bad buying used books and dicking the author out of his cut because anyone who has a book out must be rich right? Right? Wrong. Small presses pay little or no advance and if a book sells 1,000 copies then it's a huge success. The big houses pay new writers an average of $6000.00 advance. That's an advance on future royalties. If the writer doesn't make enough sales to pay off that advance (and the writer normally gets 10% or less of the cover price of a book) then that's the end and they have to start over again at another house and often with another name. A few years ago some number crunchers did some investigating and decided that the average American writer—now this is everyone, that's how they do an average, so it included Steven King and John Grisham—made about $7000.00 a year. Most of the people I know, myself included, would do the dance of joy if we made that much. Face it, most writers can't live on what they make writing, they can't even come close. And yet here are all these people who say they love someone's work and would no doubt like for them to write more and then they dick them out of their ten percent and ruin their careers by buying ONLY used or half-priced books. Come on, why don't they get it? It's like stealing from the poor or kicking an orphan. People will give money to homeless shelters and other causes, but they won't buy a new book written by a new author and make his dream come true. Anytime I'm at a con with a media guest I will watch the line form and people pay $20.00 or more for a signed photo of someone they don't know, but they won't shell out $5.00 to $25.00 for a book by an author that they could actually interact with. No, they will walk right past the new book dealers and go pick through the used book dealer's tables. Why is it so hard for the general public to realize that writers are in trouble more now then ever? Fewer people read. It's considerably harder to get published anywhere that might make you some actual money and then even if you do sell a book if your numbers dip that's it. Support writers, buy a NEW book, damn it!!! Shalom, Selina
If you enjoy these bitches, please contact Selina
directly at selinarosen(at)cox.net—yes, I’m getting paranoid in my old age. Please replace the (at ) with @ when you type the
address. Thanks! Never answer
a rejection letter Sometime in
September, 2008, I think Why? Because at the best it makes you look stupid. At worse – depending on the tone of your message – your name will go on the shit list. A rejection letter means the editor didn’t want your piece for whatever reason. I can’t speak for all editors, but from my own personal experience – except for the assholes on my shit list – I hate to have to write a rejection letter. Being a writer and getting them myself, I know that I’m ruining someone’s day, and that never makes me feel good, but guilt isn’t likely to make me take your story, not if I don’t think it fits, and especially not if it sucked. I’m not going to change my mind if you point out that I made three typos in my rejection letter or that you’re a much better writer than I am. If you send me something when it clearly says at the web-site – where you’d have to go to get my address – that I’m not reading for ANYTHING!!! then how can you expect anything but a rejection letter? Recently I got a submission from a guy who obviously didn’t understand that “I’m not currently reading for anything” meant just that. Now here’s the thing, when you send me something when I’m not taking anything, then just reading your cover letter, just answering you, is a waste of my time. Anyway, I write this guy a quick note and explain that all our slots are full through 2006, and that we aren’t currently reading for anything. That should have been it, but no, this dumb ass writes me back and tells me that I should take some time to read his submission – if not at work then in my personal time. That if I do I will see that his book is important, and my name is Selena and that says it all – please note that he spelled my name wrong, and I still have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. He then implied that I had a duty to read unsolicited manuscripts, and that I shouldn’t treat what I do as just a job. Now let me tell you everything that’s wrong with that... First, never send a house anything when they aren’t reading for anything. You’ll be lucky if they even answer you. Second – as I said above – never answer a rejection letter; it’s in bad form. Third, personal time! I run a fucking small press I have no idea what personal time is. Maybe he means I should read his manuscript while I’m bathing, eating, or having sex. Fourth, every writer thinks their book is the most important thing in the world. That’s fine, that’s as it should be. But don’t for a minute think that any book that I didn’t write – much less one that I didn’t solicit – is important to me. Fifth, spell the editors name right, especially if you’re trying to make a point with it. Sixth, don’t pretend for a minute to know what an editor’s duty is. You have no idea the amount of shit we have to wade through to find the gems. At the time I got this letter I had just finished six months of reading slush. If you ask me, that’s above and beyond the call. Seventh, if running this press was just a job for me I’d go into vanity press where all the real money is. I wouldn’t screw with trying to run a small, legitimate press at all. But here’s what is most wrong about his letter. I told him all my slots were full through 2006. This is a small press, so I can’t just add a book. In order to take his book I’d have to throw someone out of the queue. Not only would that be unethical and cruel beyond belief, it would be breach of contract. I have to wonder if this guy would be willing to call up the writer he’d be replacing and explain that his book was more important than theirs was. Shalom, Selina
If you enjoy these bitches, please contact Selina
directly at selinarosen(at)cox.net—yes, I’m getting paranoid in my old age. Please replace the (at ) with @ when you type the
address. Thanks! Convention
Etiquette - or - What a fan
shouldn't do if they want to impress a pro, and a writer
should never do if they want to impress the fans I have never been, nor have I ever been accused, of being a tight ass. Most fans, writers, and artists are generally easy-going folks who, like myself, like to have a good time. This being said, there should still be a common decency when one is associating with other people. First on the list for both fans and maybe especially pros is the matter of personal cleanliness. You should be changing your clothes at least once a day. You should be brushing your teeth at least twice a day, and showering at least once a day, and applying some sort of deodorant two or three times a day. If you're a professional at a convention, then you're trying to impress the fans and sell books or art. The last thing you want to be doing is breathing death breath into the face of someone who’s a potential customer or have BO so bad you make people's eyes burn. This isn't the way you want to be remembered. Even if you don't normally engage in a rigid personal hygiene routine at home, a convention is the time to brush the dust off your tooth brush and purchase that can of deodorant. As a pro you want to leave a good impression, not have the fans think some homeless guy has wondered in off the streets. As a fan, if you want to get close to your favorite pro, you don't ever want them to be leaning away from you, gulping like a fish in a dirty aquarium looking for a little air. Some new pros believe that the best way to get the fans to think they are “someone” is to act as if they're unapproachable. First off, if you do this you're a snot. Second off, this doesn't sell books. The fans might think you must be really cool, even important, if you never talk to anyone and are rude when they approach you, but they aren't likely to buy your books or art. Be nice. Be approachable. Go to them; don't make them come to you. Go to the room parties and mingle, don't sit in the bar and hold court – that's for the big shots who've already made it, and their fans will hunt them out. Some pros just don't show up for their panels if they don't like the topic or don't feel like it. A pro should act like a professional. Take your schedule with you. Make sure you're at every panel or event for which you’re listed. Even if the panel topic makes you cringe do your best to add something – even just humor – to the panel. If you can't go to a panel for any reason, then find someone who can fill in for you and make your excuses. Pros – and I can't stress this enough – don't bitch at the concom. These people aren't making any money for the months of work that goes into a convention. If you'd like more paneling, then ask if you can fill in. No, you might not get everything you want that first – even second – year you attend that convention, but if you're good to the concom they will be good to you and eventually if you continue to make sales in the field you'll be treated well because they like working with you. The flip side of this is that concoms need to actually take the time to see who's on their guest list. See if the people who are asking for paneling and membership actually have pro credits in the field. Are they being paid for their work? Do they present themselves in a professional manner, i.e. being clean, pleasant to work with, and showing up for panels? You can find all that out quite simply by surfing the web and by asking the concoms of other conventions this guest has attended. Don't assume that because you've never heard of someone before that they aren't anyone, anymore than you would assume that because they say they're someone that they are. Of course everyone is someone and no one is a nobody, but surely a distinction should be made between the people who are being paid for their work and those who aren't – or worse are paying to be printed. Just because someone is a pro – even a very famous one – doesn't give them the right to treat the fans like their own personal harem to do with sexually whatever they please. Likewise, having read someone's book or enjoyed their art doesn't give the fan a right to familiarity with a pro. Now me, I'm a pretty hands on kind of girl, and I don't mind a hug – or even a lap dance actually – from someone who’s enjoyed reading my work. But as a general rule if you wouldn't do – whatever it is – to a total stranger in the mall, you shouldn't be doing it to a pro without at least asking their permission. You shouldn't be touching them at all unless you have a very real relationship with them. Don't assume familiarity simply because someone hasn't told you to get lost. Robert Aspirin isn't your best friend just because you drank a beer together in the bar. I've known Robert for years, and I still have to tell him who I am every I see him. As pros most of us generally like the fans, but we also depend on them for our livelihood. As such, only an idiot smug-assed jerk would be rude to the fans. Unfortunately, some fans just don't have a clue, and the fact that they've followed you all over the con and you haven't called con security makes them think you are best friends. Now it just so happens that some of the nicest people I have ever met have been people who followed me and or the Yard Dog Press clan all over a convention. They just hang out, talk, and have a good time with you, and you're more than happy to have them go with you. Case in point, the very nice young man with long hair – know his name but won't print it here because I didn't ask his permission – who hung out with the YDP crew at Con DFW and then put pages of pictures up of us on his rather well traveled web-site. That sort of fan involvement can only help writers. He's an asset, and he's a really nice guy. Ah, but then you have the other kind, the kind that becomes like a malignant tumor on your ass. The guy who follows you around and says inappropriate things, he's like a dog turd you can't scrape off your foot. He says things a human shouldn't say, and since he's everywhere you are, people think he's part of your posse. This is the last thing a new writer needs, to be associated with a huge lumbering jerk with no manners. But getting rid of this guy without making a scene is damn near imposable, so the pro will convince themselves that the best thing to do is ignore him and maybe he'll go away, but he doesn't. He's in all your chat groups saying the same stupid shit and how you're best friends. He'll show up where you work, or worse yet your house, and when you finally get the nerve to try to get rid of him... that’s when you know you've got yourself a stalker problem because... "I didn't do anything and why are you picking on me!" Now he starts to do fun things like follow you from convention to convention gakking you out, interrupting your panels and readings, and acting as if he's the injured party. He gets in the chat groups and posts everywhere on line he can, and gakks you out while he looks for the next pro to attach himself to, and all you ever wanted, all you ever asked for, was to be left alone. No one person has the right to cause another person so much grief. Just because a person is "in the public eye" doesn't mean they should have to put up with any crap you can dish out to them. And being a writer isn't like being an actor, we don't make enough money for it to be worth it to put up with any crap. Just because you have hung out with a pro all day does not mean you are automatically invited out to dinner. Ask if you can go with them. If you do go out with them, don't expect them to pay. Basically don't assume you have any more rights to them than you would any other person. Con ethics are easy. To use the words of our creed, “Don't be an asshole.” Treat people with the same respect and dignity you’d like to be treated with. If someone asks you or makes it clear that they want you to leave them alone, then for God’s sake just leave them alone. Don't show up at their reading and scream, "I brought my lawyer!" Don't make them get a restraining order. I don't understand vindictiveness. Never have. If I don't like someone, I'll more likely than not tell them so, and then I'll leave them alone, and I fully expect them to leave me alone. If they don't... then watch out. Conventioning should be fun for both pros and fans. It's a symbiotic relationship; without fans we have no career, and without us there would be no fans. Convention season is starting up again, so let's all grab some tactics, a bottle of deodorant, some clean clothes, and our good sense, and head out. Shalom, Selina |
